Saturday, April 23, 2011

Preparing to say goodbye

So I'm leaving my home in California in 2 months to join my husband in Georgia.  I can honestly say that it has been a long time coming and I am thrilled to end the whole long distance thing (even if it's just temporary).  But with all the excitement I have to realize what I'm leaving behind.

I am really close to my family.  My brothers and I have grown a lot closer over the years because we've grown past all most of our sibling rivalry.  Both of my brothers and my step-sister already have children (proud aunt of 6 kids), and in addition to leaving my siblings I am leaving my nieces and nephews.  Although I'm not close to all my nieces and nephews due to family complications, there are two little muchkins that will break my heart to say good-bye to.

This is Krysalyn and Kaiden.  Krysalyn will be turning 4 in a week and a half and Kaiden is just about 18 months.  These two little angels have been such a blessing in my life and I have grown so close to them.  Both were in my wedding, Kaiden as my ring bearer and Krysalyn as my flower girl.

Ever since Kaiden was an infant we've had an attachment and I have had such a joy watching him grow thus far.  To this day everyone calls me his favorite and his laugh and smile brighten my day.  His positive attitude is so contagious and I found myself drawn to him. 

Krysalyn is such a curious and active little booger.  Although it seems like she can never stay out of trouble, she can be the sweetest little girl.  I have had so much fun in the past 4 years watching her grow up and learn about her surroundings.  She is so incredibly intelligent and she hasn't even started school.

I miss my niece and nephew if I don't see them for a matter of a couple of days, moving across country and possibly only seeing them once a year or less breaks my heart.  Moving day will be so bittersweet.

These are my brothers... Christopher and Justin.  Krysalyn and Kaiden belong to Christopher (on the left) and Justin has three of his own (Alexis, Justin Jr., and Eli).  I can honestly say that I hated my brothers growing up.  I'm not gonna lie... they picked on me, tortured me, teased me, and were absolute assholes.  But... I can honestly say that we have become a lot closer over the years.  I can actually stand the two of them and I'm not so sure if that's a good thing.  =P  Justin just got out of the Marines and got home this past December.  So although he's still adjusting, and family is still adjusting to having him home... it's been great to have him back.  It's sad that as soon as the family gets back together... it will get broken up again.

My mom, Shelly... There are times when I cannot stand my mom.  We bump heads sometimes and it makes me want to just scream.  But when we aren't pissed off at each other, we actually enjoy each other's company.  I couldn't count the number of times I've stayed up for hours just talking to my mom about what's going on in my life or just anything really.  I wouldn't be the woman I am today without how my mother raised me and for that I am grateful.

My girls... There aren't very many people in my life that have actually stuck around.  These are the girls that have helped me through all the tough things in life for the past several years.  Tiffany on the far left was my bud when cheering in high school.  We would spend the summer getting in shape and sharing relationship experiences, I was her big sister in cheer and showed her the ropes.  Now with her having a child, I'm sure I'll be turning to her soon for advice.  Kaytlin (next to Tiffany) also has a child, and although we aren't as close as we used to be, we have been through some major stuff in the past.  She was my partner in crime for a very long time and we helped each other through family drama that you wouldn't believe.  Heather, on the far right, is a girl that I am so grateful to have had in my life.  We go way back, even our parents go way back, and to this day I am so grateful for the support she has provided me throughout the years.  Finally, Nicole (next to Heather)... This girl... She is amazing. She is my best friend and has never steered me wrong.  When my husband and I were first dating and hit a rough patch, it was her doorstep that I ended up on at 1 am.  She recently had an incident where she was mauled by a cow (long story) and it majorly messed up her knee (notice my sister hiding her leg brace), not only that, but this poor girl lost her father only about a month ago.  I hope that I have been there for her in the past several months during her time of need as she has been there for me.

There are so many more people that I am going to miss other than this, but I would be here all night if I mentioned all of them.  So here are a couple of pictures of some other people that are near and dear to my heart.  I'm sorry about using all my wedding pictures (they're the only nice ones I have of everyone).

So what brought this post on, you ask?  This evening my brother, Christopher, came over with his family and I was spending time with Krysalyn and Kaiden.  Christopher likes to give me a hard time about leaving Kaiden behind to make me feel like shit (great brother, right?).  Anyway, I was talking to Krysalyn about our date that we're having next week for her birthday (I'm going to be gone for her party so I'm taking her out for a night on the town with just the two of us) and Chris started giving me crap.  I gave him "the look" that says if you don't knock it off I'll knock you out and he backed off.  Well about 10-15 minutes later I was sitting on the floor when Kaiden looked over at me.  He got the biggest grin ever and just ran over and gave me a huge hug.  In that instant I realized how much I was going to miss it all.  I realized how much I'm going to miss of him and his sister growing up, how many more birthdays and holidays I'm not going to see, how many school events and activities that I'm going to miss... it all hit me like a ton of bricks.  Right there I just started crying... I couldn't help it, and I didn't want to let go when he started pulling away.  I just kept telling myself, "How am I going to say goodbye?"

I know, I know... it's not goodbye forever.  I'll be back to see them soon.  When will soon be though?  Will Kaiden even remember me??  I know Krysalyn and my other nieces and nephews will because they're all older... but Kaiden is only 18 months.  Nothing would break my heart more than to return 6 months to a year later and not have him remember his Autie Ashie.

Mildly depressed...

P.S.  Sorry for the super long post.  Hope you skipped over the boring parts. =P

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